An Odd Sense of Calm

An Odd Sense of Calm

There is work to be done all around me, homework, laundry, housekeeping, and packing. Yet, I don't feel rushed, overwhelmed, or that uncomfortable pressure I usually hang heavily on my mind when getting ready to leave for vacation. It's so odd that I'm beginning to think something might be wrong with me. My mind skips over the agony of what will be waiting on the other side of my sunny escape. I'm thinking that maybe that's key for now. Stop playing a chess game. Stop think many moves ahead.   There will always be something waiting at the other end of the board.  Just navigate the few steps in front of me. Tonight that seems to be working.

Certain Doom

Certain Doom

Today, I'm causing my own spiral into certain doom. At least to my stomach and mind. I'm working  myself up on every thought that runs through my brain.

Defused

Driving at 80 miles an hour, about 15 over the limit, and trying to defuse a persistent anxiety attack that started 3 hours ago, I suddenly realize I don't remember how I got to this exit. My exit. Will I get over in time? Sure. I had to. I was on my way home and home was really where I wanted to be. I continued thinking, I AM a writer. This is what I want to do...want i want to be. So, damn it! What I write I need to mean. So what if I upset someone. No matter what I do I'm gonna upset someone, somewhere, sometime, somehow. What's done is done and my words, although cryptic, are mine. They mean something. I'm NOT taking them back. I'm not undoing it. I'm sick of giving in to everyone else. I just don't care anymore. And that is how I defused my own anxiety attack today.

Of course, you must want to know how I got here.